Born to be a singer, forced to "be real"

To the ones who had dreams

“I have a feeling you got everything you wanted
And you're not wasting time stuck here like me”

-Sydney rose

I look at the clock, time’s ticking fast, it was 1am just a second ago how is it suddenly 10. (tick, tick, tick) the clock goes, making my heartbeat grow louder and louder. Im memorizing the same formulae, yet nothing goes into my head. “ It’s time to get serious” I whisper under my breath. but, wasnt i serious before?

I should start using waterproof makeup, as my face is covered with uneven stains of lipstick residue by the tears that flow with every passing second. Another mistake, i slap my arm. My anxious heart is heavy with wishes and desires to put in more “effort”. Im not motivated no longer- strands of hair hide my face, pages crumbled and books torn apart. My fidgeting leg, doesnt seem to stop shaking as i say “it’s ok, it’s ok, it‘s ok, everythings ok” under my breath, when i get my gut-wrenching grades.

“It’s my fault” Isnt it? atleast thats what they say.

My hands on my ears “it’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it’s just….”.

I wake up yet im still somehow asleep.

But, there she is playing the piano in her empty house. Writing poetry for a living, which everyone somehow relates to. Shes going to concerts and being on stage, cannons sprinkle confetti all over her. Her wardrobe filled with dresses, that i could only ever dream about. Her home filled with awards and certificates that i crave for. She posts pictures that people actually admire, while lying in her evenly cut backyard, staring into the stars, all of this because she could. She scrolls through endless paths laughing with her friends, living her life. Paparazzi doesnt seem that bad, especially when you feel pretty. Theres people cheering on for her even if she makes mistakes, oh how i wish. Im happy for her but sometimes my thoughts wonder “if only”'.

“I have a feeling you got everything ive wanted

and you’re not wasting time stuck here like me”

-Isabel rachel

Also, i just wanted to add that personally i write detailed imagery for things i go through, because i know the details of the setting. So the “her” part isnt detailed enough because i have never lived like her i only wish too.